Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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