well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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