She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
