im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The maid of honor just puked.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Houston, we have a blender
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Can I color on your dick again?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
