He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
