hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
