she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
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Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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