you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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