I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
