everyone is single if you try hard enough
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
