If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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