so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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