Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
