I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
