Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
