I can text with my tongue
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
