i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
