At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
