So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
