Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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