sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
