Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
