Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
