The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
