Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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