This is not my ceiling
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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