Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
