sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
