You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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