if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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