ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
