So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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