try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
