I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
