Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
