at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
