Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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