I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I want her autograph on my taint
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize