guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
