Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
