East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
