it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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