Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
