Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
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Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
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I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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