There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
