we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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