so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
