its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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