I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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