He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wish you could order shots online.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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