I'm going to jail i love you
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
