I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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