ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
