Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
