youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
