Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
