after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
