Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
