dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We left an ass print on the piano.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
