we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
