Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
