so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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