Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
