Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
