moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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