Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
