Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
