I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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